Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
