He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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