I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
