His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
