I wish life had little blips of pornography
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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