I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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