So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
