operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
