This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
