I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I sprained my soul last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
