so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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