Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
