I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
