Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
