I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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