if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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