This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
