I wish my penis had an off switch
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
