Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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