It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
