Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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