I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
