he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
