Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im holly from the hills drunk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
