I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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