My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
