My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
