i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
