it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
