She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
