I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
