Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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