also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
