so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I understand Curling. That high.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
