I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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