Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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