All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
