The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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