ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
