why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
