fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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