Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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