i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
