Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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