even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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