we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
