Just cropdusted the office
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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