I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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