Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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