no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I could fuck to npr.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
