thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
