You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
