there's paper in my vomit.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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