Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
