So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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