Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
